demos ~​*​~​*

by screaming

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released July 22, 2017

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screaming Oakland, California

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Track Name: p r e s e r v a t i o n
i’ve tried
stayed up so many nights
drafting up exactly what i like
help me into this dress
i’ll explain the rest

if i say nothing that’s just what i’ll become
i finally have a word for it

tell me, baby, why am i crying?
i’m so happy, but when i said the words i fell apart

it’s okay, ask away
tear it off
look me in the eye when you say it is fine

it’s new
i’m struggling with what i should do
i can’t apologize enough for this mood
but i hate public spaces
i’ll cover my face until i get home

wish i were happy as anything at all
now that i know there is no letting go

tell me, baby, why am i crying?
i’m so happy, but when i said the words i fell apart

it’s okay, ask away
tear it off
look me in the eye when you say it is fine

i thought i’d be safe here
it’s fine, i’ll come out and i’ll be saved here

but noononononononono that’s a different kind of weird
but nonononononon that’s a different kind of queer

it’s okay, ask away
i will hide
i won’t look you in the eye

baby, tell me why am i crying?
i’m so happy, but when i said the words i fell apart

it’s okay, ask away
tear it off
but look me in the eye when I say it’s fine
Track Name: dreamcast urn (scatter me with my dog)
i dont see what's wrong with me
despite the words you spit on my cheek
i dont know why your god would make
people like me just to have something to hate

more like family than a friend
you're the reason that i vowed to keep it in
you're the reason why it's hard to trust men
and why it took me so long to talk about it again

i was so young (scared and nervous)
don't trust anyone (go off, have fun)
now I'm happy to say
bye

hallelujah for the friends since you
walking my drunk ass to the curb to puke
happy screaming in the van down in LA
saying i love you for the first time in san jose

no questioning identity
hearing me out when i needed to speak
no laughing off anxiety
and always ready to kick me in the teeth

now i know some (just what i want)
still scared wont run (owe it to them)
pick the surface (see what you want)
ill wait for (another one)

please please let me
please let me be
what will i do when it's
exactly what I want it to be

im happy that i am this way ~*~*
im happy that i am this way ~*~*
im happy that i am this way ~*~*
im happy that i'm not this shell

im happy that i am this way ~*~*
im happy that i am this way ~*~*
im happy that i am this way ~*~*
im happy that i'm not this shell